**Best viewed with MIE browser maximized.** This page I have made for the purpose of sharing the various poems and verses I have come across that have touched me and continue to help me through my grief. I have come to realize that I will struggle and hurt well beyond any imaginable time frame, but the world goes on with or without me. So I can come to this page and remember it is OK to cry and OK to remember and I will be OK. Scattered Thoughts For My Angel Shane Jr. How do I describe the pain that I feel? For words aren't enough to make it real. I miss your sweet face which pictures can't replace. My hurt is so deep how will my heart heal? Your sweet baby smell and your cute button nose. How tiny you were from your head to your toes. I counted them all one by one, Ten fingers, ten toes, You are beautiful My Son. I miss you terribly, And wish time could erase... So I can go back to the day that I memorized your face. I wish I could be there to see your first smile, And tickle your tummy for a little while. I hope you can hear me each night before bed, As I turn out the lights and feel the tears come again, I look at your picture and whisper to you, Good night my sweet boy and I Love you too. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky No one sees the broken heart that lies beneath my smile No one sees the loneliness that's with me all the while Silent tears gently fall that others do not see For my precious baby boy who means the world to me. ~ Author Unknown Death leaves a heartache, That no one can heal... Love leaves a memory, That no one can steal..... ~ Author Unknown You never said you were leaving, you never said goodbye. You were gone before I knew it, and only God knew why. A million times I needed you, a million times I've cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart, you hold a place no one could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone. For part of me went with you, the day God took you home. ~Author Unknown I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence I often speak your name, all I have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is my keepsake with which I'll never part. God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart. ~ Author Unknown To My Daddy What happened to me was Gods way, I wish I could wipe your tears away. Daddy don't be sad, It wasn't your fault. I'll Love you for always that will never halt. Just remember no matter what they say, I am real and I'll see you again someday. We'll walk hand in hand, And we'll sit side by side. And create all new memories, You've longed for inside. - Written for My Daddy By My Mommy ©Dawn Molisky A child is such a precious gift To love, to hold, to treasure A very special miracle Who gives us so much pleasure But when that gift is taken back And our hearts are cold and torn Amid this grief and sorrow We're so glad that they were born For they leave a precious legacy Even though we're far apart The love they left behind them Will stay forever in our hearts. ~ Author Unknown I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say ... A Mother has a baby, this we know is true. But God, can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you? Yes, you can, he replied with confidence in His voice, I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this, God, I want my baby here He took a breath and cleared His throat; and then, I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today If you could see your child smile with other children and say "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear, My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here ... I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me I learned my lesson very quickly, My mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day when she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear Mommy, don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here." So, you see, my dear sweet one, your children are okay Your babies are here in my home; And this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you. So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start. ~ Author Unknown I am going to tell you something I hope you'll never know I'll tell you how a heart can break And tears can constantly flow. I lost my baby boy, you see, So precious in my eyes. God chose to take his hand one day And led him to the skies. Please don't forget about my son, He was a person too, And forever hr will live inside of me and you. So please don't ever tell me That time will heal my pain Because not even time can Bring him back again! Just tell me he is happy In that land way up above, He's snuggled in an Angel's wings All wrapped in our love. ~ Author Unknown Remember that grief is not something you get over It is something that you walk through... My shoes are worn and my feet hurt from this walk. ~ Author Unknown Just say "I'm Sorry" By Gail Fasolo You don't know how I feel Please don't tell me that you do. There's just one way to know -- have you lost a child too? "You'll have another child!" -- must I hear this each day? Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away? Don't say it was "God's will" -- That's not the God I know. Would God on purpose break my heart, Then watch as my tears flow? "Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say? NO! A part of my heart aches -- I'll always feel some pain. You think that silence is kind, But it hurts me even more. I want to talk about my child Who has gone through death's door. Don't say these things to me, Although you do mean well. They do not take the pain away; I must go through this hell. I will get better slow but sure -- And it helps to have your near. But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" Is all I need to hear. Think Before You Speak By Gwen Flowers Dear Friend, today you broke my heart, In a place that was unbroken. You did it with your thoughtless words That should not have been spoken. You know that I am grieving; That my pain is deep and real. Your hurtful words pierced like a knife. How do you think I feel? You may not suffer from my loss Or share this lonely grief; But I'm mourning my baby, Who's life was much too brief. I'm sure you don't know how I feel, I don't expect you to. Don't ask me to get over it.... That's something I can't do. Without grief, there is no healing. It's a journey I must make. It's not the path that I would choose, But one I'm forced to take. No matter how you choose to see What I am going through, I need compassion and support.... I'd do the same for you. "Twas the Night Before Christmas For Bereaved Parents" "Twas the month before Christmas and I dreaded the days, That I knew I was facing-the holiday craze. The stores were all filled with holiday lights, In hopes of drawing customers by day and by night. As others were making the holiday plans, My heart was breaking-I couldn't understand. I had lost my dear child a few years before, And I knew what my holidays had in store. When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound, I sprang to my feet and was looking around. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The sight that I saw took my breath away, And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near. With beauty and grace they performed a dance, I knew in a moment, this wasn't by chance. The hope that they gave me was a sign from above. That my child was still near me and that I was loved. The message they brought was my holiday gift. And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself. As I knelt closer to get a better view, One allowed me to pet it-as if it knew-that I needed the touch of its fragile wing, To help me get through the holiday scene. In the days that followed, I carried the thought, Of the message the butterflies left in my heart- That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead, Our children are with us-they're not really dead. Yes, the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears. A message of hope-a message so dear. And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight. "To all bereaved parents ~ We love you tonight." ~ Author Unknown Candles In December My sadness seems reflected In the music that I hear... Every young one's glowing face, Reminds me you're not here. Shoppers crowd the festive stores, emotions all run high, This world I was a part of once, Seems to pass me by. This season's meant for happy times, For love, warm hearts, and cheer, But grieving families around the world, Remember those not here. We struggle through the season, Lighting candles to proclaim, Our children aren't forgotten, Round the world our candles flame. I slowly pass through the gates thrown wide, One clear, cold Christmas day, No toys or gifts do I bring, Those are gifts of yesterday. I carry with me just a polished heart That is granite made, And walk with grief to where my child lies, In a silent silvered glade. "Merry Christmas Love" I whisper, The quiet words seem so forlorn, "I've brought my heart for you to keep, My gift, This Christmas morn." "It is filled with all my love, Though this one's carved of stone, I'll place it here---it will be near, You'll never be alone." Please keep my gift, beloved child, Close to where you lie, And know my love surrounds you, Until the day, I too shall die. ~ Author Unknown Untitled Grief is hard enough to deal with, so we don’t need the pressure of following some “rules of conduct” that others try to place on us. So many times we’re afraid to cry because we’ll make others feel uncomfortable. We don’t show any anger because we’ll be labeled impolite or rude. We don’t tell others when we are hurt or feel uncomfortable because we don’t want to cause family upsets. Maybe it’s time we realize that when dealing with a broken heart, it’s okay to cry. Perhaps we should make allowances for some anger when we are grieving. It’s hard to accept living in a world that has suddenly been turned upside down. Maybe we should treat ourselves as kind as we treat others, and not feel guilty about extending ourselves some extra gentleness. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you show emotions when your heart and soul are hurting! Give yourself all the time you need to work through the raw pain of grief. Remind yourself often that grief follows no special timetable. We are our own best judge of what we need during those extra difficult times of grief. Remind yourself often that tomorrow is a brand new day, and with each new day, you have walked one more day toward finding a stronger, healthier, happier you! ~Clara Hinton Even when life feels hopeless, the sunrise declares hope for a miracle! ~Clara Hinton To Realize To realize the value of a sister, Ask someone who doesn't have one. To realize the value of ten years, Ask a newly divorced couple. To realize the value of four years, Ask a graduate. To realize the value of one year, Ask a student who has failed a final exam. To realize the value of nine months, Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. To realize the value of one month, Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week, Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one minute, Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize the value of one-second, Ask a person who has survived an accident. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend or family member, LOSE ONE. ~ Author Unknown Untitled We go trough life so often, not stopping to enjoy the day. And we take each one for granted, as we travel on our way. For in your pain and sorrow, an Angel's kiss will help you through. This kiss is very private, for it is meant for only you. We never stop to measure, anything we just might miss. But if the wind should blow by softly, you'll feel an Angel's kiss. A kiss that is sent from heaven, a kiss from up above. A kiss that is very special, from someone that you love. So when your hearts are heavy, and filled with tears and pain, and no one can console you, remember once again... About the ones you grieve for, because you sadly miss. And the gentle breeze you took for granted, was just AN ANGEL'S KISS. ~ Author Unknown Missing You This Christmas I know you are with me every day, Silently guiding me in every way. Somehow I try in my feeble mind, To find comfort in your spirit being by my side. Though I know you are in a much better place, I am much too selfish to accept this fate. You should be here with your father and I, Will there ever be a day that I don't have to cry? Instead in your memory on our Christmas tree hangs, An Angel ornament made by Mommy complete with your name. Your stocking hangs next to your brother and sisters, Your name all in gold and an Angel that glitters. I look at your picture every day, And I think how you have changed our lives in so many ways. For I am proud to be your Mom today and tomorrow, And for the rest of my life even through all the sorrow. Rest in Peace my Angel this Christmas Season. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky My Star There you were, Up in the sky. Without any effort, You caught my eye. The most beautiful, Brightest, perfect star. I said to myself, I know who you are. It was not hard to see, From watching you shine, With pride up above, And God by your side. You are my Angel, So bright and so true. Without any pause, I made a wish upon you. I wish you to know, Each time my tears flow, That I want you to use them, To blossom and grow. So one day when it's time, You and I both can shine, In the same big blue sky, "Together," shall be mine. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky HOPE When we suffer a loss, our heart stops singing for a while. We no longer can see the brilliant colors of the rainbow, and the bright orange rays of the sun are seen through eyes clouded by the black veil of tears. Life goes on, but it is in a mysterious, often frightening sort of way because we can no longer hear the joyful song in our heart. How can we continue on without a song? Will we have to pretend forever that we are okay? Will we ever be able to honestly say that life has meaning again? Will the after-math of the storm ever go away? Will the song in our heart ever return? Sometimes it takes a long time to hear the music again, and it takes an even longer time to see the colors in the rainbow. But, when we understand that even in this season we call sorrow there is hope, our heart begins to slowly share a melody with us again. Our eyes will begin to focus more clearly through our tears, and we will slowly allow the warm rays of the sunshine to push away the clouds until suddenly, without warning, daybreak appears with a new song! With hope abiding deep within our heart, we are never alone. We are one breath away from a miracle, and one moment away from hearing our song. Hold on! Hope is alive and will arrive just at the right moment with a song just for you! ~ Clara Hinton The most valuable treasure one could have is feeling the greatest impact from the tiniest Angel. Some people only dream of Angels, I hold one in my heart forever. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky When Grief Returns Written by Clara Hinton | Sep 22, 2003 Grief is a tricky thing. It can wreak havoc on your emotions, especially in the first year following the death of a child. A parent can think that progress in healing is finally being made, and then something as unexpected as a song comes on the radio, and the words trigger feelings of grief as strong as if the loss took place yesterday. After all of the “firsts” are in the past, the path to healing seems a bit more even for a while. Setbacks don’t come nearly as often as in the first year, and rarely are the grief feelings as raw and intense as during the first months following the death of a child. Most parents work their way through the sad emotions of loss to a place where they can finally recall fond memories of times spent with their child. They can talk about their child without crying, and there is an overall feeling of peace rather than the gnawing feeling of never being at rest. Grief can be quite deceitful, though, and show up many years after a loss leaving one feeling like healing never took place. Rather than be alarmed if grief returns, remind yourself often that grief’s visit is only a momentary appearance. Just as we go through seasons in our lives, grief will visit each of those seasons to let us know that the loss of a child has left its mark on the heart. An especially sensitive time is when a parent enters what we so often call the “empty nest.” Grief can return as a bold reminder of what was so cruelly and unfairly taken away. A parent’s emotions can become very disturbed during this sad reminder of loss once again. When grief returns, remind yourself often that this is a normal part of the overall healing process. The pain associated with child loss never totally goes away, so it is quite normal for certain times in our life to bring grief emotions to the forefront once again. Remember that this return of grief will not last forever. Take good care of yourself physically. Eat well-balanced meals. Rest. Keep yourself well hydrated. Talk to your doctor if you feel like you might be entering a phase of depression. Depression is something that can be treated early, and is nothing to try to hide. Lastly, find some support for this difficult time in your life. Even though your loss might have occurred 20 years ago, if you feel overwhelmed with sadness and grief, it is most important that you find someone who will listen and lend you support. Remind yourself often that grief is something that cannot be ignored. Grief can be masked for a while, but eventually it makes its presence known. It is something that requires hard work and attention. A parent’s grief is a natural reaction to an abnormal event. Grief is not an illness, but rather is a time of readjustment to a reality of living with loss. Parents who lose a child do not stop grieving. The pain will vary in intensity at different times in a parent’s life, but the process is life long. When grief returns, remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time you need to once again work through your feelings. My Butterfly In a beautiful garden Together we walked Your Father and I had a long talk... Your sister was there, without a care Inhaling the sweet warm breeze. The end of the season was quickly approaching, But still I longed for a sign. For mourners have spoken of a flower in bloom In the middle of a cold winter month... And of special songs, played across the airwaves Just when their heart needs them most. I said to myself "Why couldn't I, have just one small sign?" Just so my heart will know you are near. When out of no where; solo in flight A Monarch came into view. With wings that sparkled, In the warm sun rays, I knew it had to be you. You stayed with us there, For quite a while. Allowing us to take a few pictures. I treasure that time, For I know it was divine; Forces that brought us together. And now every time I see, The Monarch Butterfly fly free... I'll remember your message to me. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky Experiencing Grief in Your Own Way No Right or Wrong Way to Mourn GRIEF MUST BE EXPERIENCED Realize that even some of the people close to you will say thing like, "You can always have another baby." We live in a world of "quick fixes". Death makes people uncomfortable. Your pain makes them nervous. A nd no one wants to believe that babies die. But to survive your loss you must face it. YOU FEEL INCOMPLETE Your role as parents has been taken away. Your family picture has been altered against your will. You are not only mourning the baby died, but also the future. That baby should have lived. URGE TO REPLACE To desire another baby as soon as possible is common. But to be fair to the next child, you should say good-bye to the lost child. However, only you can tell when you're ready. FORGETFULNESS You will go through a period of missing turns to your house or running traffic lights. Getting to the store and not knowing what you needed to buy. AM I CRAZY? Those who've lost a baby at birth may still feel kicks. SIDS parents may hear the baby cry. You may experience the "Soap Opera" Syndrome - the belief that your baby didn't really die, someone must have switched babies. Or you may have a fantasy that you'll wake up one morning to find a baby at your doorstep. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Eat, even if you're not hungry. Drink lots of water. Exercise, it will help relieve tension. Get a physical. PERSONALIZE YOUR BABY By using the baby's name you will feel connected. Correct those who say "it" or "the baby." Let them know this wasn't just any baby. It was your beloved son or daughter. GIVE YOUR PAIN WORDS Write a poem. Write a letter. Or keep a journal. GET HELP Seek contact with others who have had a similar death. Find a place to vent. Seek information through the doctors and/or reading material. Find a counselor with experience in stillbirth, infant death, and SIDS. GIVE YOURSELF TIME There is no timetable on the pain of losing your baby. You will have good days, bad days, and horrible days. Time does ease the deep "I want to die pain." But this loss will always be in your heart. Recovering is learning to live with the loss and recognizing you are now a different person. You have become what is "normal" for bereaved parents, not what is "normal" to the rest of the world. - Written by Jenn Caufman What Not to Say to a Grieving Person - Snap out of it - It wasn’t meant to be - You must be strong - She lived a good life - You must move on - God will never give you more than you can handle - I understand - Be thankful you have other children - It’s over with. Let’s not deal with it - Get a hold of yourself - Keep a stiff upper lip - Pull yourself together - Be strong for the children - Get back on the horse again - It was God’s will - You can always have other children - You’re young - Maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson - Others have it worse than you - What did you do wrong? - He wouldn’t have been healthy - It is just nature’s way of dealing with a problem Helpful Things to Say to a Grieving Person - I’m so sorry to hear about your loss - I can’t imagine what you are going thru. It must be unbearable. - Sit down and tell me all about it. - I don’t know what to say, but I’ll be glad to listen. - How are you really feeling? - What can I do to help? - Unknown Sands of Time Come and gone, a year has past. Like sifted sand, in the hourglass. Each grain of sand slips through times portal, Reminding me we are all mortal. Reflection leads to fantasies; Of stealing grains for you and me. To reunite for one more touch ... One look, one smell, it hurts so much. The world's around me moving on; While I try to just hang on. Though I know I don't obsess, I feel as though I must confess. I still drift back to that room, When it was just me and you. Wondering is what I do; Did I somehow do wrong by you? A happy face my mask reflects, To ease the world of my sadness. Alone in the dark; sometimes behind closed eyelids, I weep from the part of my Heart and Soul, That stays with you wherever you go. One day I'll be stronger, this I know. Just please be gentle and let me go. For this Life lesson has no script. I must walk alone and finish this trip. Judge me not if I shed a tear; Just listen and be here throughout the year. As a final plea through my weepy eyes, I beg of you to recognize ... That I am not a proud Mom of 3, But rather of 4 beautiful babies. It just so happened that one of my babies, Was called home to knock upon Heaven's Door. - Written for Baby Shane Jr. By His Mommy ©Dawn Molisky Big hugs and thanks again to Graffix Of Eden for this beautiful Memorial Plaque. I adopted this little fellow for baby Shane Jr. so he will have a playmate in heaven. This little area is where you will find the links to some of the different websites I have adopted some graphics from. Audio